What Are You “Supposed” to Do Next With Your Life?
Are you feeling overwhelmed by pressure, expectations, or uncertainty about what you’re “supposed” to do next with your life?
We are all surrounded by the noise of other people’s opinions, societal norms, family expectations, etc. all the time.
Sometimes it can be easy to cut through this noise, tune into your own inner wisdom and have confidence in choosing what is right for you at that point in time.
Other times, the noise is so loud or feels so imperative that it’s difficult to figure out what you truly think. When this happens, even the most capable people can feel stuck and unsure what to do.
The next time you are feeling stuck, try this exercise.
An Exercise to Figure Out What You’d Like to Try Next
It’s helpful to be in a quiet, comfortable place where you will not be disturbed. Silence your electronics.
Step 1: Begin by writing down everything your mind is telling you that you are “supposed to do.”
For example, I’m supposed to graduate college. I’m supposed to know exactly what I want to do with my life. I’m supposed to find the ideal job that puts me on a particular trajectory. I’m supposed to be planning for the future. I’m supposed to be in a relationship or get married.
Read what you wrote. Consider: do you agree or disagree with each statement? If you agree, great. If you disagree with all or part of it, cross out what you don’t agree with or note what you do agree with. (For example: I’m supposed to become financially independent. You might agree with the idea but not the timeline or approach.)
If you are experiencing a lot of pressure from a parent or other important person in your life, it can be easy to give their perspective greater weight than your own. As you do this exercise, even if your mind says, wait, your mom/dad/someone important thinks X, it is OK to recognize that you don’t agree with them and cross that statement out.
If you need a break, take one.
Step 2: Write down what you truly want at this point in time.
If this feels hard, begin with the easy, obvious goals and let your mind flow to the bigger ones.
For example, I want to eat better, exercise, get more sleep, etc. I want to take some time off so I can hear myself think. I want to explore working in this particular field. I want to learn more about graduate school options. I want to get on/off of dating apps.
Take a break. Then read these again and see if there’s anything you’d like to add or edit.
Step 3: On a new page, write at the top, “What do I want to try next?”
Look at your “supposed to do list” and at your “I want list.” Choose from these lists everything at this point in time that you would like to try and add it to the “try next” list.
Let yourself dream a bit. Think about what would be ideal. The goal is to open your mind up to possibilities. There are often many more possibilities than we can see when we feel stuck.
By allowing yourself to try something next, not forever, not because you should, you lower the stakes and can more easily broaden your perspective. From that perspective it can be easier to see opportunities that might not have jumped out at you before.
Step 4: Choose a first step for something you would like to try next. If you write down a step and still feel stuck, that may mean that the step is too big. Try breaking it down into smaller steps. Remember that this is something you want to try next. If you take a couple steps and realize you want to shift your approach a bit, great. Each step can inform the next, and course corrections are always possible.
I work with multiple audiences, including young adults (20+), and I wrote this with them in mind. Feeling like I’m “supposed to” certainly doesn’t disappear with age! No matter what point you’re at in life, the next time you are feeling stuck, it may help to do this exercise. Learn more about the Philosophy of Silence the Mindcluck® here.