Are you losing sleep and feeling super stressed as you face decisions? Is your mindcluck extra loud?
If you think (or if anyone has told you) that you’re not good at making decisions, remember that we all make tons of decisions every day. Many of them are so automatic that we’re not even aware that we’re making them…what to eat, what to wear, when to see a doctor, dentist, etc.
Given that you’re alive, this means that you are good at making a wide variety of decisions. Reminding yourself of this fact may help boost your confidence in your decision-making abilities!
When I struggle with a decision and I drill down to understand why a decision feels so hard, I almost always find that I am listening to, and on some level believing, what my mindcluck is telling me. Mindcluck might boil down to, “if I choose this option, then here is the cascade of bad things that can happen” (insert your own situation accompanied by key expletives!).
The good news is as you get better and better at simplifying the choices you need to make and at recognizing and silencing your mindcluck, even the toughest decisions will get easier.
When you are struggling with a decision, instead of losing sleep, ruminating and stressing about it, try these exercises.
Exercises to Ease Decision-Making
Prep:
- Go to a space where you will not be interrupted.
- Silence, and ideally, leave your phone, computer, tablet elsewhere so they won’t distract you.
- Use pen and paper. Writing by hand is slower physically, which will help slow down your mind, and that encourages mindfulness. Because you can’t hit the backspace button to erase a thought, this also allows for a free flowing of thoughts and that’s very helpful. As you go through these exercises, notice which ones resonate and modify them to suit your needs.
Exercise 1—Simplify Your Decision
First, letting your mind just flow, write down the decision you need to make and include all of its complexity.
Next, read what you wrote and see if you can simplify the decision into:
Do I want to ask for, do, say, buy, etc. A or B?
If your decision is complex, do your best to create levels of decision making…first you decide between A or B, then you decide between C or D, and so on.
The goal is to break down the decision into easier-to-decide parts.
Once you have simplified your decision, take a moment to tune into your intuition, gut sense, whatever you choose to call it. If you’re not sure how to do this, one way to get there is to think of a time when you feel like you operated from your intuition and got the result you wanted. Or think of a time when you faced a tough decision, you made it and you were really happy with the outcome.
When you feel like you have connected with your intuition, look at the simplified decision(s). If you are ready to make a choice, do it.
If not, write down the short, medium and long-term risks of choosing A over B, etc., brevity is fine. The purpose is to see if by laying out the risks, it’s easier to figure out what is making it hard for you and mitigating that.
Remember that in most cases, (except of course for life and death decisions, which thankfully are rare), you are deciding what to do for now. It’s important to remember that for most decisions, the world will not end if you change your mind. Adopting the “I’m making the best decision I can right now with the facts I have in front of me, and I can change my mind later if that serves me better” can take the pressure off and that will make it easier to choose.
If you feel stuck, try putting yourself in motion…body in motion = mind in motion. Go for a walk, a run, a bike ride, vacuum, wash dishes, etc…do something that requires you to move without requiring a lot of focus. Let your mind wander in a relaxed way and listen for answers to your decision points. In my experience, when I ask myself a question (should I do A or B) and I listen for an answer from my inner wisdom, I always get one, and I then feel secure in making my choice.
Exercise 2—Use Your Mindcluck to Your Advantage
You can do this after completing Exercise 1 or on its own.
- Again, go to a quiet space where you will not be interrupted.
- Write down everything that your mind is telling you about the decision(s) you are facing…for example, if I choose A, then I will feel empowered. If I choose B, here are the bad things that will happen or I am not good enough/smart enough/capable enough to do what I’m trying to do or I have done this before and I can do it again, etc.
- Write stream of consciousness and let your mind unburden itself.
You may be surprised by what you write down and you may be able to quickly identify thoughts that are extreme and not realistic. Sometimes just the act of writing your thoughts out will ease your mindcluck and make your decision clear.
Read through what you wrote and highlight any empowering thoughts. As you do that, think of the physical feelings you associate with these empowering thoughts. For example, I believe that I will make the best possible decision I can with the information I have. When I feel this belief in myself, I notice a warm feeling in my stomach, head, torso, etc., or I feel energized or I feel like a force of nature, etc. This is a way to re-ground in your intuition, your own inner wisdom. If you don’t write down anything empowering, that is OK.
Now, look at statements that you know are mindcluck.
For each statement, ask yourself…
- Is this true? (meaning is it a fact?) If it is a fact, circle it, if it isn’t, cross it out.
- Is this realistic? If it is realistic, circle it, if not, cross it out.
- Is this someone else’s opinion? If it’s truly your opinion (your own or if you strongly agree with another person’s opinion you solicited), circle it. If it isn’t, cross it out.
- Is this statement catastrophizing (projecting the worst case scenario)? If it is, cross it out.
- Is this statement something that’s in your control? If it is, circle it, if it isn’t, cross it out.
For the statements you’ve circled, ask yourself…
- Why am I telling myself this?
- Am I afraid of something? If so, what exactly.
- Am I attempting to control something? If so, what exactly.
- Am I attempting to protect myself or others from something? If so, what exactly.
By analyzing your mindcluck, you’ll be able to drill down to what is really bothering you about a choice you need to make. Sometimes when you look at what your mind is telling you, it will be clear immediately that your mind is tripping you up for a particular reason and just understanding what is bothering you may be enough to mitigate the reason. Or, you will have the opportunity to change negative mindcluck into empowering statements you can tell yourself instead. It’s important to remember that often times when facing a tough decision, what we are worrying about will never come to pass.
If you wrote positive things your mind is telling you (e.g. I can do this, I have done this successfully before, etc.), try to feel their power. Using the mind-body connection can energize you to stand up to the challenge you face.
For the mindcluck you wrote down (e.g. this will lead to disaster, I’m not good enough, etc.), re-frame them into positive messages…for example, “I know that I am making the best decision I can given the information I have and I have faith in my ability to adjust as needed to whatever outcomes arise.” Your goal is to empower yourself to make this decision or these decisions! Changing negative self-talk into positive self-talk will do a lot to boost your confidence in the choice(s) you make.
As with most things in life, practice will help. After doing these exercises a couple times, you’ll be able to do them quickly without writing much down—you’ll learn to understand the mindcluck that freaks you out or makes you feel paralyzed and the best way to mitigate it, ease your worries and make that decision.
When a particular type of mindcluck keeps rising to the surface again and again, that presents an opportunity to go deeper, to understand and to heal the roots of that mindcluck. I can help you do this!
This will be a zero pressure 20-30 minute conversation. We can talk about the challenges you face and what you’d like to shift. I always offer a tip or exercise to help. If we click and you are interested, we can create a coaching package that meets your needs, timeline and budget.